Not the Cats
by Angel N Darkness
Summary: The truth about Dolores Umbridge and how she felt about animals. Written for the Ultimate Chocolate Frog Card Club on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry.


A/N: This story will be a oneshot/drabble and it's for the Ultimate Chocolate Frog Card Club on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry! This story is AU! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own HP!

(Gold): Old Mother Hubbard: was a Hag, who lived in Medieval times. She used to lure stray animals into her home, then starve them to death.

Challenge: Write about someone who dislikes and is cruel to animals.

 **Word Count: 880**

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Dolores Umbridge walked down the hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry amused with how the beast—hem, hem, students—scurried away from her. She hated them even more then she hated creatures of the four legged variety.

You see, Dolores Umbridge had a deep dark secret. Even more secret then the information about her disgraceful family lineage. No one in the Wizarding World knew of her disgraceful lineage, she made sure of it. She is thought to be a Pureblood and that is the way it should be. She is not a weak, spineless, fool like her father, who chose a muggle to marry and had a son that was not magical. She was better than all of them. Cornelius Fudge saw it, the idiot that he is! He was very easy to convince that he need to send someone to Hogwarts that he trusts to spy on Dumbledore.

You were probably wondering what Hogwarts had to do with her secret. It dealt with her office. Have you guessed yet?

No it is not the blood quill that that Potter Brat deserved for lying all the time about the death of Cedric Diggory and the rebirth of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. That was hardly a secret since she had the permission of The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, to discipline the two legged beasts as she saw fit, though she didn't think he knew exactly what her methods were going to be but that hardly mattered. She should be the minister instead of him since she was a lot smarter than he was.

No her secret was much more cunning and discreet than that. And it had to do with her plates and the kittens kept inside them.

Dolores Umbridge hated beasts, of the two legged variety and the four legged variety. Cats were toward the top of her list, just after those ridiculous Half Breeds that should be exterminated like the vermin they are.

She absolutely hated them and their superior attitude. They think that they are so great and better than everyone else and that we should bow down before them and their greatness. Well Dolores Umbridge knew that she was a million times better than any of those creatures and she made it her goal to prove that to each and every little monster that she came across.

She succeeded in her goal too. No cat ever crossed her path and thought that they were superior to her when she was done with the wretched creature. No she made sure that each of those mangy beasts that crossed her path knew who was in charge.

She was a million times better than them, and once the stupid little monsters crossed her path she never let them forget it.

You may be asking, how exactly does Dolores Jane Umbridge, High Inquisitor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic teach those furry disgusting creatures the most important message of their lives and what exactly does that have to do with her office.

It was very simple if she said so herself.

Once they crossed her path, she would trap the monster easily. Tuna fish was always a brilliant weakness of those stupid furry menaces to society.

How exactly did this help though, you must be wondering still.

This is where it gets tricky and fun, for Dolores Umbridge at least.

A simple de-aging spell and they were back to their tiny—but no less disgusting—selves. Then she would lock them in a cage temporarily while she creates for them their newest home.

Have you figured it out yet? No, well that is ok she always knew that two legged creatures were just as stupid as four legged ones… with her as the exception of course.

Anyway she would then design a plate just for the furry little beast. After that it was child's play—and some questionable magic—to get them into the plate and their new home.

You still must be wondering just how it teaches them who is superior. And this is her favorite part.

Plates are just so very fragile. She just sometimes has to make an example out of one of them. She just picks up the plate of the cat that is busy hissing at her from the plate… but whoops it slips right out of her hand and hits the hard floor smashing into a thousand tiny pieces—far too many for her to even attempt a repairo on the mess, so she just banishes it all.

And that is how she controls the monsters so that they know who is boss and who is better than them. She wishes that one would misbehave more often because she loves having to smash them into thousands of tiny pieces.

Oh well, it was time for her to go supervise that lying Potter's detention. At least she could fantasize about one of the cats misbehaving while he was there and smashing the plate in front of him, smirking with glee at his look of horror.

It's too bad that they have learned well to pretend that they are normal happy kittens when other people are around. After all, no one can know this deep dark secret of hers.

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A/N 2: *grins* And there is this one... I do hope that you all liked this little oneshot! Thank you to Erin for the idea to use...


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